90+4 min: Chelsea are strolling now, but they still manage to create a shooting chance for Kalou who, 20 yards out, curls the ball just wide.

GOAL! Chelsea 2 Hull 1 (Drogba 90+2) A second ludicrously good goal at the end of an otherwise terrible game for Drogba. Deco plays him in on the left of the penalty area, Myhill tiptoes forwards to cover his near post and Drogba chips the ball, from a silly angle, over the keeper’s head and in at the far post. Brilliant.

91 min: Deco’s shot on the turn, just outside the penalty area, flies high. Tick tock.

90 min: Carvalho’s 40-yard drive rolls to Drogba’s feet but Turner blocks his shot smartly. 6 minutes stoppage time.

88 min: Chelsea have had 23 shots, the last Carvalho’s header high from a corner. Hull have had 5. Folan’s cross deflects off Carvalho and Cech has to palm it over.

85 min: Cech comes to the edge of the area to limp-wristedly flap clear a cross. He had no idea where it was going, but luckily it didn’t fall for a Hull player. Just as well, as they’d have had another empty net to aim at. It takes a couple of minutes for the physio to repair the keeper’s ego, so there should be some decent stoppage time at the end of this.

83 min: … and Michael Essien trying 35-yard left-foot half-volleys. The result only just made it over the goalline for a goal kick, just wide of the penalty area.

82 min: Chelsea have realised there’s less than 10 minutes left and they’re still not winning. The result: a mild sense of panic, and everyone looking like they’re in a bit of a hurry.

80 min: The only player finding space here is Deco, who keeps scampering clear on the right. This time his cross finds Kalou, a great chance with his first touch but he heads high. The ball was, to be fair, just a little bit behind him.

79 min: After Ballack’s blistering shot is deflected high (goal kick given), Chelsea replace Anelka with Kalou.

78 min: Geovanni comes on for Mendy. Are Hull going for the win here?

77 min: And on the subject of Phil Brown’s headset, Jeremy Hayes says “it’s obvious that he must be talking to someone on the St Tropez Tanning Helpline”.

76 min: Bosingwa tricks (with a bit of luck) his way past two defenders, cuts inside and sends a left-foot shot towards the near post which Myhill only just manages to push wide.

75 min: Drogba finds Essien well and his half-volley is pretty tasty, dipping just a yard wide (though the keeper had it covered, to be fair).

71 min: The substitutions have just stalled Chelsea’s momentum, and Ghilas gets away down the left only for his low cross towards Folan to find only Ricardo Carvalho – he could have tried a high ball to Mendy, who was unmarked.

68 min: Another debut – Hull’s Algerian striker Ghilas coming on for Hunt. Deco comes on for Malouda for Chelsea, and Nick Barmby is booked for raising a foot at Ashley Cole.

67 min: “Who does Phil Brown talk to on that head-set,” asks Jona McCalmont. “I bet he does a mean Beyonce at the annual Hull City drag night.” Er, I really wouldn’t know.

65 min: Chelsea, gorging on possession, are starting to over-complicate things a bit – trying a succession of one-yard passes through a crowd of Hull players, trying to trick their way past a couple of defenders before shooting. They might have been punished: Hunt crosses for Folan but instead of going for goal he nods back across to Boateng, who’s crowded out.

60 min: Anelka finds Drogba with a lovely 35-yard pass, but the Ivorian lets the ball bounce under his foot and out for a goal-kick. That brilliant free-kick aside, he’s having something of a stinker here.

57 min: Chelsea miss three great chances in less than a minute, Anelka misses his kick, Drogba hits the keeper and then Drogba, played in by Terry’s header, smashes the ball at Myhill when he should have scored.

55 min: The pressure’s mounting. I honestly wrote that about two seconds before Andy Gray said it.

53 min: Chelsea break into the area, but Dawson’s sliding challenge on Anelka is inch-perfect – and has to be. Drogba wants a penalty, but Chelsea win a corner.

51 min: A very one-sided start to this half, but the last one started that way too. Myhill kicks a back pass straight along the ground but, luckily, to safety – it’s the second clearance he’s messed up today.

48 min: Hull have barely got out of their half, and Lampard shapes to shoot across goal but instead goes for the near post from 20-odd yards. Myhill’s caught out, but the ball goes just wide.

46 min: In the first half it took Chelsea 60 seconds to create an easy chance. This time they halved it. Drogba gets into the area, pulls the ball across to Anelka who hits it, first time, left foot, straight and low down the middle. Either side and it would have been 2-1.

46 min: Michael Ballack’s coming on for Mikel. Apparently tactical. “I’m a fan of Hull the city, if not Hull City,” says Craig. “I went there once on a course with workmates. We went out to a club and were stunned to see topless vixens cavorting on the stage and agreed that we had never visited a run of the mill dance club with such brazen action on show. A local standing nearby turned to me and said, ‘Erm, those aren’t strippers mate.’ Halcyon days.”

Half-time: Both goals owed a bit to luck – Hull benefitted from a handy deflection that left Hunt with an open goal, and Chelsea should never have been given the free-kick they scored from – but the visitors will be the happier team at half-time by a factor of approximately 23. They started last season amazingly but they can’t expect to come to Stamford Bridge and compete as they have here. They’ll be very happy with this scoreline, but can they keep it? Most importantly, I’m off to our depressing canteen to get some lunch. Back in five.

45+2mins: Bernard Mendy wins the first yellow card of the new Premier League season after sliding right through Malouda.

45 min: We’ve got three minutes of stoppage time to look forward to.

45 mins And Caspar Searle is delighted that our “handy league table” puts Arsenal top. Enjoy it while you can, Caspar.

44mins: Marney’s limping off, after his knee twisted as he slid in for a challenge. Looked a bit nasty but he played on for a few minutes, so it might not be so bad. Nick Barmby’s on.

43mins: Dave from Perth has emailed again. “I love being a City supporter,” he says. “Maybe 2-0 soon.” Your timing’s not so good this time, Dave.

41mins: Essien’s low shot from 20 yards has Myhill scrambling, but it just doesn’t have the pace to seriously threaten. Replays show that Mikel did very well to con the referee into awarding the free-kick from which Chelsea equalised. Still, that’s football eh?

40mins: Paul Lovatt has spotted a chance to take the mickey. “Love the league table on the right hand side,” he says. ” Chelsea may be disturbed to know their comfortable seventh spot is under threat. There is no “see the full table” button and I can’t be bothered to work out what position Liverpool are in right now.” It’s true, Paul, or handy league table isn’t too useful at present, but it’ll really come into its own in a couple of months.

Goal! Chelsea 1 Hull City 1 (Drogba, 37) An awesome free-kick from Drogba, over the wall with pace and dip – it’s only a couple of feet off the ground by the time it arrows into the corner. It was looking like that was their best chance of breaking through Hull’s massed ranks, and so it proved.

35mins: Craig emails with the first protest against Carlo Ancelotti’s tactical masterplan. “This diamond carry on is mince,” he says. “I thought we would give Hull a skelp but knew only too well that as soon as the bigger teams turn up it will be time for plan b. I was wrong. Its not even good enough to dismantle these luckless 3am drunken roulette jockeys.” Mince? Skelp? But I take your point.

33mins: After a ropey first 10 minutes, Hull have been pretty much on the money here, crowding Chelsea out in the last 30 yards. Chelsea should have scored after a minute, but haven’t had any clear chances since.

30mins: About 45 seconds before the goal Dave emailed from Perth, Australia to suggest that “City could win this”. Er, looks like they could, Dave.

Goal! Chelsea 0 Hull City 1 (Stephen Hunt 28) Hull swing the ball into the box, the headed clearance falls to Boateng who does well to make space, lashes in a shot that deflects to the feet of Hunt, with the keeper stranded, and he scores a debut goal.

25mins: Chelsea’s best little move since the first minute sees Lampard find Drogba, Drogba find Malouda and a good block prevent a goal. From the resulting corner Essien misses with a header from five yards but just beyond the far post.

22mins: For some reason, Stephen Hunt’s getting a few boos from the locals here.

17mins: Chelsea having 63% of the early possession, they’re saying.

16mins: Hunt’s a bit lucky to get a corner – the ball probably came off him, rather than Bosingwa – but when the ball is half-cleared Boateng’s snap-shot is cleared off the line by Essien.

15mins: Terry heads just over from a corner, then headbutts the ground in frustration. That’s gotta hurt.

14mins: Hull now getting a bit more of the play, and Hunt’s cross from the left finds Marney in (a worrying amount of) space in the penalty area. It’s a bit high, though, and so is the resulting header.

9mins: A bit of a chance for Hull, the ball breaking kindly to give Boateng a fraction of a second to send in a shot. This he does, the ball evading Cech’s dive and also, by a yard or so, the far post.

8mins: Marney hacks down Malouda, a booking at pretty much any other point in the season except the first few minutes of the first game, I’d have thought. He gets a bit of a telling-off.

5mins: Hull have strung a five-man midfield across the pitch, the idea presumably being that Chelsea will struggle to find any space. The idea presumably not being that they all stand about while Chelsea ping the ball about. Mikel just took about 10 minutes to line up a shot without anyone closing him down. It was, however, rubbish.

1 min: Essien scampers down the right, crosses and the ball drops on to Drogba’s right foot, unmarked, eight yards out. He lashes his volley wide. What a chance.

0 mins: And we’re off! With a crazy high challenge on Frank Lampard from Stephen Hunt after 30 seconds.

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